Nearly every parent wants their children to succeed and have a happy, productive life. Everything we do from the moment of birth is done with this goal in mind. Sadly, it is when we could be the most effective that we often let things slide somewhat, distancing ourselves from our child and their future. The school years.

When my grandson was two weeks old, he was given to me. His mom, my daughter, was extremely sick with Grave’s Disease struggling to keep herself alive let alone a baby boy. I almost lost her twice. (After years of trying various therapies, she had her thyroid removed and is finally healthy again.)

From the moment I was blessed with the opportunity to raise my grandson, I wanted to take everything I learned through the years and do it right this time. I’ve raised three kids to adulthood, and after years of seeing my parenting mistakes bear fruit, I was getting a do over. This time would be perfect. (To all of you experienced parents out there, know that I also rolled my eyes when I typed that last line.)

My grandson is almost nine years old now, and I’m tired. When my youngest child was born, I was going to college full-time, working full-time, spending time with my kids, and participating in their school activities. Fast forward 20 years and, less than a month after I got my grandson, I had to quit work. Middle of the night feedings were killing me. I quickly learned that not only would this do over not be perfect, it would be grueling. Tough choices had to be made.

As parents today, we are over-loaded with work, home responsibilities, and taking care of our families. We’re all tired. We come home from work and want five minutes to ourselves, but we have to get supper started, laundry folded. We have to make sure our kids eat, bathe, get to bed early enough, and do their homework. We are so tired that often the last one simply involves asking if their homework is done. This is when our failure begins.

I’m lucky enough that I have a job that allows me to work part-time on my own schedule. Because of this, I have been able to volunteer in my grandson’s classroom. During his kindergarten year, my duties were to test each child separately on their mastery of grade appropriate skills and put in their folders all papers that needed to go home each day. These folders were two pocket folders. One side was for things that needed to be returned to school and the other side was the work their child did that day for their parents to review and discard as they saw fit. Each side was clearly marked.

Want to know what I discovered there? The folders of each child that had a high level of academic achievement were also the folders that came back to school each day empty and vice versa. Some folders looked like they had never been emptied and those children struggled with the most basic skills.

We’re all tied. We all have to make tough choices. But, if you’re a parent that wants to see your child succeed and have the best chance at success, pay attention to school. Be involved even if it’s only 5 minutes at the end of the day to look through their papers and see what they did that day. This lets them know that school is important. That you care and that they should, too.
https://www.childtrends.org/indicators/parental-involvement-in-schools

Analyze your thoughts against these ten common, negative thought distortions to uncover your irrational, self-defeating thoughts. We can be our own worst enemies.

1. All or Nothing Thinking. You look at things in absolute, black and white categories.
2. Overgeneralization. You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. Mental Filtering. You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positives.
4. Discounting the Positive. You insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities “don’t “count.”
5. Jumping to Conclusions. You assume that people are reacting negatively to you when there is no evidence. You arbitrarily predict that things will turn out badly.
6. Magnifying or Minimizing. You blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importance inappropriately.
7. Emotional Reasoning. You reason from how you feel. “I feel like an idiot, so I must really be one.” (Just to let you know that, for about 10 seconds, I couldn’t remember how to spell “idiot.”
8. Should Statements. You criticize yourself with should or shouldn’ts.
9. Labeling. You identify with your shortcomings.
10. Personalization and Blame. You blame yourself for something you were not responsible for, or you blame other people and overlook how your attitudes and behavior might contribute to a problem.

From the book The Solution: A Blueprint for Change and Happiness by William Matta, Ed.D.